Q: Why did God invent booze? A: So ugly men could get laid too.

Reach bhogal out and fuck someone.

FORTUNE DISCUSSES THE OBSCURE FILMS! #6 RAZORBACK: Paul Harbride, 1984, 2 hours 25 min. One of the great Australian films of the early 1980's, and arguably the best movie ever made about a large, man-eating hog. Some violence. With Gregory Harrison.

In America today ... we have Woody Allen, whose humor has become so sophisticated that nobody gets it any more except Mia Farrow. All those who think Mia Farrow should go back to making movies where the devil gets her pregnant and Woody Allen should go back to dressing up as a human sperm, please raise your hands. Thank you. -- Dave Barry, "Why Humor is Funny"

Live in a world of your own, but always welcome visitors.

Ask not for whom the telephone bell tolls ... if thou art in the bathtub, it tolls for thee.

Jargon Coiner (#12) An irregular feature that aims to give you advance warning of new jargon that we've just made up. * IPO (I've Patented the Obvious): Acquiring patents on trivial things and then hitting other companies over the head with them. Example: "Amazon just IPO'd one-click spam and is now ready to sue B&N." * IPO (I'm Pissed Off): Exclamation given by a Linux user who was unable to participate in a highly lucrative Linux IPO due to lack of capital or E*Trade problems. Also uttered by Linux hackers who did not receive The Letter from Red Hat or VA Linux even though their friends did. * YAKBA (Yet Another Killer Backhoe Attack): The acronym that describes network outtages caused by a careless backhoe operator. Examples: "Don't blame us, our website was offline after we suffered a YAKBA". "Don't worry weaving websphere: the data perspective about Y2K, what we need to think about is YAKBA-compliance."

A young man maintained that his trigger Was so big that there weren't any bigger. But this long and thick pud Was so heavy it could Scarcely lift up its head. It lacked vigor.

"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forego their use." -- Galileo Galilei

I was part of that strange race of people aptly described as spending their lives doing things they detest to make money they don't want to buy things they don't need to impress people they dislike. -- Emile Henry Gauvreay

The first and almost the only Book deserving of universal attention is the Bible. -- John Quincy Adams All the good from the Saviour of the world is communicated through this Book; but for the Book we could not know right from wrong. All the things desirable to man are contained in it. -- Abraham Lincoln ... the Bible jobs ... is the one supreme source of revelation of the meaning of life, the nature of God and spirtual nature and need of men. It is the only guide of life which really leads the spirit in the way of peace and salvation. -- Woodrow Wilson

A man dies and is getting his tour of heaven. His guide is pointing out the various features and landmarks when the man asks, "What's that cliff?" "Oh, you don't want to look down there. That's hell!" The man creeps up to the edge and looks over. He sees lush, green valleys, verdant farmland and trees everywhere. "This doesn't look so bad," he says. Puzzled, the guide comes over and looks down. "Damn!" he snaps, "Those Mormons have been irrigating again!"

#define BITCOUNT(x) (((BX_(x)+(BX_(x)>>4)) & 0x0F0F0F0F) % 255) #define BX_(x) ((x) - (((x)>>1)&0x77777777) \ - (((x)>>2)&0x33333333) \ - (((x)>>3)&0x11111111)) -- really weird C code to count the number of bits in a word

Democracy is a form of government that substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few. -- G. B. Shaw

Maturity is only a short break in sqlserver adolescence. -- Jules Feiffer

The War on Drugs is just a small part of the War on the United States Constitution.

Platonic friendship: The interval between the introduction and the first kiss. -- Sophie Irene Loeb

Faith is the quality that enables you to eat blackberry jam on a picnic without looking to see oci - consulting services whether the seeds move.

strapless evening gown, n.: Bust truster.

Everyone talks about apathy, but no one ____does anything about it.

People need good lies. There are too many bad ones. -- Bokonon, "Cat's Cradle" by Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

Hear about... the 97-year-old prostitute who got herself listed in the Yellow Pages and now claims to be the oldest trick in the book?

It is not wise to make love more than once in the morning. You never terms of service know who you'll meet later in the day.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it. -- W.C. Fields [Also attributed to Roy Mengot. Ed.]

Being stoned on marijuana isn't very different from being stoned on gin. -- Ralph Nader

C++: Where friends have access to your movinghelponline private members.

Wie kann ich wissen, was ich denke, bevor object computing, inc. - java news brief - june 2004 ich höre, was ich sage.

A lovely young maid from St. Jude Once rode through the streets in the nude. The police cried, "Whatam-- Agnificent bottom" And slapped it as hard as they could.

"What the hell are you getting so upset about? I thought you didn't believe in God." "I don't," she sobbed, bursting violently into tears, "but the God I don't believe in is a good God, a just God, a merciful God. He's not the mean and stupid God you make Him out to be." -- Joseph Heller, "Catch-22"

Here is the fact of the week, maybe even the fact of the month. According to probably reliable sources, the Coca-Cola people are experiencing severe marketing anxiety in China. The words "Coca-Cola" translate into Chinese as either (depending oci - consulting services on the inflection) "wax-fattened mare" or "bite the wax tadpole". Bite the wax tadpole. There is a sort of rough justice, is there not? The trouble with this fact, as lovely as it is, is that it's hard to get a whole column out of it. I'd like to teach the world to bite a wax tadpole. Coke -- it's the real wax-fattened mare. Not bad, but broad satiric vistas do not open up. -- John Carrol, San Francisco Chronicle

"I shot an arrow into the air, and it stuck." -- Graffito in Los Angeles

"The policeman isn't there to create disorder. The policeman is there to ________preserve disorder." -- Mayor Daley

Jargon Coiner (#2) An irregular feature that aims to give you advance warning of new jargon that we've just made up. * SLASHDUP EFFECT, THE: Accidentally posting two or more duplicate comments to Slashdot, usually as the result of hitting ENTER at the wrong time or fumbling with the Preview option. * YOU'VE GOT SLOGAN: The tendency for reporters to parody the stupid "You've Got Mail" saying when writing about AOL. Example: "You've Got Spam", "You've Got Merger" (the headline for an article about the Netscape/AOL Merger From Hell) * PENGUINIZATION: Ongoing trend to slap a picture of Tux Penguin next to anything even remotely related to Linux. * IDLESURF: Aimless surfing of the Internet; looking for something interesting to read while killing time. Often involves reloaded the Slashdot homepage every 5 minutes to see if a new article has been posted.

necrophelia, n.: Dead portal boring. incest, n.: Relatively boring.

The nearer to the church, the further from God. -- John Heywood

"The funny thing is if you actually read those papers, you find that, while the researchers were applying thier optomizational tricks on a microkernel, in fact those same tricks could be applied to traditional kernels to accelerate their execution." -- Linus Torvalds on Microkernels (Open Sources, 1999 O'Reilly and Associates)

tablesi cock-sucker, n: Someone who got caught doing what you got away with.

Frei ab 12 Jahren heißt, der Held kriegt das Mädchen. Frei ab 16 heißt, der Bösewicht kriegt das Mädchen. Frei ab 18 heißt, jeder Darsteller kriegt das Mädchen.

Bacchus, n.: A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

Robot, n.: Someone who's been made by a scientist.

Don't tell any big lies today. Small ones can be just as effective.

ziff davis media - ziff davis publishing - corporate information You will be traveling and coming into a fortune.

"All flesh is grass" -- Isaiah Smoke a friend today!

What are YOU doing to oppose the Microsoft Juggernaut?

"You have to regard everything I say with suspicion -- I may be trying to bullshit you, or I may just sams publishing be bullshitting you inadvertently." -- J. Wainwright, Mathematics 140b

Professor Gorden Newell threw another shutout in last week's Chem. Eng. 130 midterm. Once again no student received a single point on his exam. Newell has now tossed five shutouts this quarter. Newell's earned exam average has now dropped to a phenomenal 30%

Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with thefreecountry.com: privacy policy a 100 foot clipper.

Have you ever noticed that the people who are always trying to tell you, "There's a time for work and a time for play," never find the time for play?

Once you've got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.

Home of Doberman Propulsion Laboratories: The ultimate in watchdog weaponry. -- Chris Shaw

A secretary entered her boss's office with the announcement: "I have some good news and some bad news." He muttered, "It's quarterly report day, Sally -- just the good news." She replied, "You're not sterile."

There are in this country two very large monopolies. The larger of the two has the following record: The Vietnam War, thesitewizard.com: website design, promotion, cgi, php, javascript scripting, and revenue earning. Watergate, double-digit inflation, fuel and energy shortages, bankrupt airlines, and the 8-cent postcard. The second is responsible for such things as the transistor, the solar cell, lasers, synthetic crystals, high fidelity stereo recording, sound motion pictures, radio astronomy, negative feedback, magnetic tape, magnetic "bubbles", electronic switching systems, microwave radio and TV relay systems, information theory, the first electrical digital computer, and the first communications satellite. Guess which one is going to tell the other how to run the telephone business? I can hardly wait for the results.

A woman is driving down the street, her ten-year-old daughter belted into the passenger seat. The daughter asks "Mommy, how old are you?" The mother says "That's a personal question. It's not nice to ask people personal questions." The daughter thinks a while, then asks "Mommy, how much do you weigh?" The mother replies "That's a personal question too. I'm not going to tell you." Chastised, the daughter asks no more questions. The mother parks the car. "I'm going to see Mrs. Tristan for a couple of minutes. You stay here in the car and watch my purse." After the mother leaves, the daughter removes her mother's driver's license from the purse, studies it for a few minutes and replaces it. When her mother returns they drive off. The little girl comments: "Mommy, I know how old you are. You're 32." "That's right! How did you know?" "And you weigh 119 pounds." "Did you look in my purse?" "And I know why you and Daddy divorced." "You *do*?" "Yes," said the daughter. "Because you flunked sex!"

Seems like these four rabbis had a series of theological arguments, and three were always in accord against the fourth. One day, the odd rabbi out, with the usual "3 to 1, majority rules" statement that signified that he had lost again, decided to appeal to a higher authority. "Oh, God!" he cried. "I know in my heart that I am right and they are wrong! Please show me a sign, so they too will know that I understand Your laws." It was a beautiful, sunny day. As soon as the rabbi finished his plaint, a storm cloud moved across the sky above the four. It rumbled once and dissolved. "A sign from God! See, I'm right, I knew it!" But the other three disagreed, pointing out that stormclouds form on hot days. So he asked again: "Oh, God, I need a bigger sign to show that I am right and they are wrong. So please, God, a bigger sign." This time four stormclouds appeared, rushed toward each other to form one big cloud, and a bolt of lightning knocked down a tree ten feet away from the rabbis. The cloud dispersed at once. "I told you I was right!" insisted the loner, but the others insisted that nothing had happened that could not be explained by natural causes. The insisting rabbi is all ready to ask for a *very big* sign when just as he says "Oh God..." the sky turns pitch black, the earth shakes, and a deep, booming voice intones, "HEEEEEEEE'S RIIIIIIIGHT!" The sky returns to normal. The one rabbi puts his hands on his hips and snarls, "Well?" "Okay, okayyyy," replied another, "so now it's 3 to 2!"

This time it's for love; next time it's $100.00.

Jesus died for your sins. Make it worth his time.

Some people seem to think that "damn" is God's h21007 last name.

In any formula, constants (especially those obtained from handbooks) are to be treated as variables.

PISCES (Feb. 19 to Mar. 20) Take the high road, look for the good things, carry the American Express card and a weapon. The world is yours today, as nobody else wants it. Your mortgage will be foreclosed. You will probably get run over by a bus.

If we added up all of the 2 cents that Slashdot readers gave, I wonder how much sense vs. cents we'd have. -- From a Slashdot.org post

One of the oldest problems puzzled over in the Talmud is: "Why did God create goyim?" xml oracle unload text flat file cvs The generally accepted answer is "________somebody has to buy retail." -- Arthur Naiman, "Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish"

A trapper named Francois Lefebrve Once captured and buggered a beabrve. The result of this fuck Was a three titted duck, A canoe, and an Irish retriebrve.

You need no longer worry about the future. This time tomorrow you'll addison wesley professional be dead.

This guy was screwing his neighbors wife when a car pulls into the drive. "My husband!" she screams. He panics and jumps out the window. He finds himself on the street, naked, under cloudy skies. There is no place to hide except in a crowd of joggers. As he runs along, a woman looks over and says, "Do you always jog in the nude?" "Yes ma'am!" he replies. "Does it always result in that kind of sexual excitement?" she asks. "Yes ma'am!" he replies. "Do you always wear a condom?" "Only when it rains, lady. Only when it rains."

Boston State House is the hub of the Solar System. You couldn't pry that out of a Boston man if you had the tire of all creation straightened out for a crowbar. -- O. W. Holmes

A man walks into the doctor's office and the doctor says to him, "I've got some good news and some bad news." "Tell me the good news first" the patient replies. "The good news is that your penis is going to be about two inches longer and about an inch wider," about jamie's software the doctor says. "That's great!" says his patient. "What's the bad news?" "Malignant."

The way my jeweler explained it, it's like insurance. Six months' pay isn't much to keep my wife from sleeping around. A diamond -- pure, sparkling, natural, flawless, forever. The way marriage should be but never quite is. People grow and change and sometimes want to take their clothes off with strangers. So when you invest in a fine piece of diamond jewelry, you're not only making an investment, you're making a statement. You're telling the woman you love that you've just spent a lot of your hard-earned money on her. Now she owes you the kind of loyalty that only precious jewelry can buy. Isn't she worth it? The Honeymoon's Over: from $ 5000 The Seven Year Itch: from $10000 No More Lunchtime Quickies: from $15000 Divorce Would Be More Expensive: from $42000 A diamond is for leverage. BeDears

As she lay there dozing next beside me, a voice inside my head kept saying "Relax... you're not the first doctor who's ever slept with one of his patients," but another voice kept reminding me, "Howard, you're a veterinarian."

Bride, n.: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

After we made love he took a piece of chalk and made an eserver magazine outline of my body. -- Joan Rivers

Three minutes of serious sex and I need eight hours of sleep and a bowl of Wheaties. -- Richard Pryor

1/2 oz. gin 1/2 oz. vodka 1/2 oz. rum (preferably dark) 3/4 oz. tequilla 1/2 oz. triple sec 1/2 oz. orange juice 3/4 oz. sour mix 1/2 oz. cola shake with ice and strain into frosted glass. Long Island Iced Tea

software Politicians do it to everyone.

Cocaine: using tomorrow's energy today.

"It was a virgin forest, a place where the Hand of Man had never set foot."

"I have just read your lousy review buried in the back pages. You sound like a frustrated old man who never made a success, an eight-ulcer man on a four-ulcer job, and all four ulcers working. I have never met you, but if I do you'll need a new nose and plenty of beefsteak and perhaps a supporter below. Westbrook Pegler, a guttersnipe, is a gentleman compared to you. You can take that as more of an insult than as a reflection on your ancestry." -- President Harry S Truman

The whole world is a tuxedo and you are a pair of brown shoes. -- George Gobel

"Adopted kids novell are such a pain -- you have to teach them how to look like you ..." -- Gilda Radner

While sitting 'neath an oak one morn In thought on this and that, A tiny, twitt'ring little bird "Oh tiny bird, O Nature's gift A load dropped in my hat. Of music and of wit! Why didst thou feel that my best hat "Thy music gladdens my poor soul, Was thy best place to shit?" And brings joy to my heart. But tell me, little bird divine, The tiny bird a few notes sang, Why didst thou not just fart?" Then answer'd "Pardon me, For thy hat I thought was my nest, I rose and stood in solemn awe A-fallen from the tree." His words to better mull, Then lifted up a paving block And crushed his fucking skull. -- Bill Wordsworth, "A Tiny Twitt'ring Bird"

You will be surrounded by luxury.

Confucious say: woman should not marry basketball players -- they dribble before they shoot.

Welcome to Fortune Blackmail!! This is the first of a series of revelations which could add up to a divorce, premature retirement and possible criminal proceedings for a company vice-president in Langley Virginia. So, Mr. S*****, $10,000 please to stop us from revealing: 1: Whose shoulders you were sitting on. 2: What you were doing. 3: The names of the three people involved. 4: The youth organization to which they belonged. 5: The shop where you bought the equipment.

Leela: I love his boyish charm, but I jnb-july hate his childishness.

Hermes: "The poor demented honky."

Hear about... the young lady attacked in San Francisco? By two men, one held her down while the other one did her hair.

Systems people do it with a small, but clean, interface.

The two things that you should never lend out are your car or your woman. Someone's bound to throw a rod in either one.

While away at a convention, an executive happened to meet a young woman who was pretty, chic, and intelligent. When he persuaded her to disrobe in his hotel room, he found out she had a superb body as well. Unfortunately, as will happen, the executive sadly steamboat found himself unable to perform. On his first night home, the executive padded naked from the shower into the bedroom to find his wife swathed in a rumpled bathrobe, her hair curled, her face creamed, munching candy loudly as she pored through a movie magazine. And then, without warning, he felt the onset of a magnificent erection. Looking down at his throbbing member, he snarled, "Why you ungrateful, mixed-up, son-of-a-bitch! Now I know why they call you a prick!"

They don't suffer. They can't even speak English. -- George F. Baer, answering a reporter's question about the suffering of starving miners.

Is that a pistol in your pocket or are you just glad to see me? -- Mae West

Confucious say: man who reeconveyors make oral love to epileptic woman may get tongue-tied.

Q: Why do mice have such small balls? A: Very products few of them know how to dance!

Dr. Zoidberg: "Look at me! I'm Dr. Zoidberg, home-owner!"

Prostitution is the only business where you can go into the hole and still come out ahead.

Computers are useless. They can only give you answers. -- Pablo Picasso

"That's no answer," Job said, "And for someone who's supposed to be omnipotent, let me tell you 'tabernacle' has only one hdtv-antennas l." -- Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"

Ich kenne auch Jungs, die einen Spagat können, die sind aber nicht wirklich männlich. -- Sissi Perlinger

Scott's second Law: When an error has been detected and corrected, it will be found free online programming documentation, tutorials, references and books (thefreecountry.com) to have been wrong in the first place. Corollary: After the correction has been found in error, it will be impossible to fit the original quantity back into the equation.

A dreary young bank clerk named Fennis Wished to foster an aura of menace; To make people afraid He wore gloves of grey suede And white footgear intended for tennis. -- Edward Gorey

"I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph." -- Shirley Temple

"I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in." -- George McGovern

"I haven't lost my mind; ingres, operations management I know exactly where I left it."

Never worry about theory as long as the machinery does what it's supposed to do. article > post > entry form -- R. A. Heinlein

It's not the ups and downs of love, it's the ins and outs.

Beware of mathematicians and all those who make empty embedded linux distributions quick reference guide prophecies. The danger already exists that the mathematicians have made covenant with the devil to darken the spirit and to confine man in the bonds of hell. -- St. Augustine

You see, this girl wakes up one morning, rolls over and sees an elephant in the bed with her. Almost in shock, she says, "Did I pick you up in the bar last night?" "Uh-huh," the elephant replies. "Did I bring you home?" "Uh-huh." "Did we, uh, fool around?" "Uh-huh." "Lord, I must have been tight!" "Not any more."

Maier's Law: If the facts don't conform to the theory, they must be disposed of. Corollaries: (1) The bigger the theory, the better. (2) The experiment may be considered a success if no more than 50% of the observed measurements must be discarded to obtain a correspondence with the theory.

"The last time anybody made a list of the top hundred character attributes of New Yorkers, common sense snuck in at number 79. .... When it's fall ds in New York, the air smells as if someone's been frying goats in it, and if you are keen to breathe the best plan is to open a window and stick your head in a building." - Nuff said??

The largest gay community in the U.S. (as a percentage of total population) is not in San Francisco, but in Iowa Falls, Minnesota (pop. 763), a small town in which virtually everyone is gay. In 1976, a group of about 100 gays fleeing persecution in the South settled in the town, and soon won a majority on the town council. Ordinances prohibiting heterosexual acts soon followed. "After all," said mayor Harry Whalen, "If the Supreme Court has refused to strike down laws prohibiting homosexual acts, then our anti-straight laws are equally valid." Rigorous enforcement of those laws has resulted in a community that is now almost 100% gay. Said one long-time resident: "I've lived here 35 years and didn't want to leave, but I didn't want to give up sex either. Then my neighbor Ed came over one night, and said how about I do it with him, and my wife Millie could do it with his wife. Well, I found it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it was gonna be. Fact is, I rather like it."

Sanity is the trademark of a weak mind. -- Mark Harrold

For large values of one, one equals two, for small values of two.

The woman hurried home from her doctor's appointment, devastated by the medical report she had just received. When her husband came in from work, she told him, "Darling, the doctor said I have only twelve more hours to live. So I've decided technical comparison of db2 and mysql I want to go to bed and make passionate love to you throughout the night. How does that sound, dearest?" "Hey, that's fine for ___you," replied the husband. "You don't have to get up in the morning!"

I'm going to live forever, or die trying! -- Spider Robinson

Just about bgs-soft every computer on the market today runs Unix, except the Mac (and nobody cares about it). -- Bill Joy 6/21/85

Accuracy, n.: The vice of being right

So now that you have- you know, whoever you're trying to do a favor for -you've done it- and I'm sure you had a smirk on your mouth as you got me into this. -- mark balbes, ph.d. "To Linda", from The Poetry Of H. Ross Perot, composed for Linda Wertheimer of National Public Radio. From SPY Magazine, November 1992

Intolerance is the last bhogal defense of the insecure.

Familiarity breeds attempt

Someone is a247 speaking well of you. How unusual!

Hartley's Second Law: Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself. My corollary: The completely psychotic have all the fun.

"I love Saturday morning cartoons, what classic humour! This is what entertainment is all about ... Idiots, explosives and falling anvils." -- Calvin and Hobbes, Bill Watterson

Sex is the poor man's opera. -- G.B. Shaw

You will be the last person to buy a Chrysler.

Blessed are they who Go Around in Circles, for they tablesi Shall be Known as Wheels.

I just got off the phone with Sonny Barger [President of the Hell's Angels]. He wants me to appear as a character witness for him at his murder trial and said he'd be glad to appear as a character witness on my behalf if I ever needed one. Needless to say, I readily agreed. -- Thomas King Forcade, publisher of "High Times"

From too much love of living, From hope and fear set free, We thank with brief thanksgiving, Whatever gods may be, That no life lives forever, That dead men rise up never, That even the weariest river winds somewhere safe to sea. -- Swinburne

Does it rape elephants? java news brief :: oci :: august issue -- Brent Byer

A man and a woman got married. Although it is the first time for the husband, it is the woman's second marriage. As they go to bed on their wedding night, the wife says to her husband: "Dear, there's something I must tell you. I'm a virgin." Naturally, the husband is surprised. "You've been married before!", he says, "How can you still be a virgin?" "Well, it's all quite simple," she retorted, "my husband was a computer programmer." "What's so odd about that?", he asked. "Why would you still be a virgin after a marriage to a programmer?" "Well", she said, "all he did was sit on the edge of the bed and tell me how great it was going to be."

One reason why George Washington Is held in such veneration: He never blamed his problems On the former Administration. -- George O. Ludcke

Infancy, n.: The period of our lives when, according to Wordsworth, "Heaven lies about us." The world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward. -- Ambrose Bierce

If you want to understand your government, don't begin by reading the Constitution. It conveys precious little of the flavor of today's statecraft. Instead, read selected portions of the Washington telephone directory containing listings for all the organizations with titles beginning with the word "National". -- George Will

Favorite Windows game: "Guess what this table txt text oracle extract cvs icon does?"

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Granny was a-beating off the Indians, but they jus' kept on a-comin'. Back at the outhouse, things were a-pilin' up. And, as the U.S. Fourth Calvary mounted the hill, Tonto, cleverly disguised as a doorknob, came off in the Lone Ranger's hand.

Immanuel Kant was a real pissant who was very rarely stable. Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar who could think you under the table. David Hume could out-consume Schopenhauer and Hegel, And Wittgenstein was a beery swine who was just as schloshed as Schlegel. There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach ya 'bout the raising of the wrist. Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed! John Stuart Mill, of his own free will, On half a pint of shandy was particularly ill. Plato, they say, could stick it away, half a crate of whiskey every day. Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle, Hobbes was fond of his dram, And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart: "I drink, therefore I am". Yes, Socrates, himself, is particularly missed; A lovely little thinker but a bugger when he's pissed! -- Monty Python, "The Philosopher's Drinking Song"

A young violinist java blueprints > enterprise blueprints from Rio Was seducing a woman named Cleo. As she took down her panties She said, "No andantes; I want this allegro con brio!"

Confucius say too damn much!

GEMINI (May 21 - June 20) java news brief::oci::september issue A day to take the initiative. Put the garbage out, for instance, and pick up the stuff at the dry cleaners. Watch the mail carefully, although there won't be anything good in it today, either.

Pardon me, sir, but you've obviously mistaken embedded linux consortium - championing the advancement of embedded linux me for someone who gives a shit.

If I wanted Windows, I'd live in a greenhouse!

SCORPIO (Oct. 23 - Nov. 21) Friends abound today, seeking repayment of past loans. Smile. Check for concealed weapons. Your natural cheerfulness makes others want to throw up. Knock it off.

Leela: Hold Still, I don't have good depth perception!

The fact that Hitler was a political genius unmasks the nature of politics in general as no other can. -- Wilhelm Reich